Marc Fleisher

The consensus among child psychologists is that the best time to tell the children that you are getting divorced is about a week before one of you leaves the marital residence. That way, you can be as specific and concrete as possible about what the future will look like: "Daddy will be living just a few blocks away. You can come see his apartment, etc." And it limits the time that they can get anxious about the very move itself, or caught up in the ambiguous situation of being told that a divorce is looming and yet there you remain, living together. As hard as it may be for one of you, present the divorce as, if not a joint decision, then at least as "Mommy and daddy just cannot live together anymore" and if they ask you why, don't blame one parent in the name of honesty. You can avoid being dishonest without dumping information that they are not equipped to handle and should not have to try to handle. And the most damaging thing for them to know is that the precipitating event was an affair. Tell them that they are not to blame for the divorce(they'll think they are), that you both love them and will continue to love them and be in their lives. And stress as many points of stability in their lives that you can: same school, same neighborhood, same friends, same apartment, etc.